Room Of Angels
by AlinaLotus
Summary: If anything, Tifa hates this feeling. And this is why...


Title: Room Of Angels

Summary: If anything, Tifa hates this feeling. And this is why...Tifa/Vincent.

**Um...yeah. There really is no explination for this. My first time writing this pairing, although they aren't quite together, as you'll see.** **Warnings are sexual content, slight language, and character death.**

Because Tifa never wanted to fall in love, anyway.

Because Cloud was just so disappointing.

Because in the end, when it came down to the defeat of Sephiroth in that oh-so-long-ago battle, her first though was _Dear God let Vincent still be alive_ and she can't explain that, even to herself. Or especially to herself. She doesn't really know.

Because actually, it wasn't that long ago, but Tifa is so tired and numb. Her skin is numb, her thoughts are numb, her fingers are numb. And her eyes? Well, they are brown puddles of glacial plains and just the tip of the iceberg.

Because she thought she could her his heart cry out to her, in the Shinra mansion, and when she first laid eyes on him she didn't feel so afriad.

Because Yuffie is better for him. The hyper ninja amazingly counter-acts his stoic demeanor, but that just makes the sharp edges of her shattered and scattered heart twinge, and it is painful in ways that make her vision swirl and blur.

Because he is red, and she is not.

Because he is perfect for her. He is quiet, and knows that noise breaks her. He is wise, and knows that she needs age-old wisdom to get through this, through anything. He is a protector, and he knows that as strong as she could once claim to be, she needs a strong shoulder to lean on. He knows her, and she wishes she could return the favor.

Because if anything, she hates this feeling. She hates needing him, wanting him, aching for him. There are already so many voids in her and around her and _because_ of her, and she can't. Fucking. Stand it.

Because Aeris always knew, but Aeris is dead.

Because she knows that the gunslinger can't give her what she needs, and much less what she wants.

Because all she wants is him...**all** of him. And he just won't let the forever-preserved memory of Lucrecia die.

And because, most of all, Vincent looks at her, with those scarlet, pulsing eyes, and she knows that he knows, but he won't do anything about it. And they stare at each other, and she imagines he is holding her, kissing her, fucking her, making her writhe, making her feel again, and he imagines that her hair is flowing, not braided, and that she chose him instead of a sadistic and manical scientist bent on world domination, and they both know that their worlds are going to be, still, dark and hard places, but Vincent can see that Tifa is begging him, and he so does want to give in.

Because Tifa knows that, no matter what, she will always let Vincent look at her, pretend she is somebody else, and that she will endure it because when his attention is on her, her breath catches in her throat and the blood in her veins rushes, and she feels the pieces of her heart reattach and her mouth is dry and she begins to throb, and then his mouth, so cold that it burns, is on her, and they are a tangle of limbs and hair and clothes, and finally he is inside of her, and Tifa's back arches as he thrusts, and they move together, in a rythym that Tifa has grown to crave, and her hands are lost in his black hair, and he is biting her shoulder, so hard she bleeds, and when he tastes her blood he moves faster, faster, faster.

Because when it's over, Tifa pretends that it's her name he whispered.

Because she doesn't shower for days after he fucks her, because she loves the smell of him on her.

Because she knows it will never be more than fucking, and that_ makes her want to die._

Because it's so easy for him to pretend like nothing happened, like nothing has ever happened.

Because he, like Cloud, pushes her to the side for the memory of a girl who is dead and unreachable.

Because the knife feels good, feels right in her hand. It is Vincent's, something she slipped from him while he was ripping her shirt off. It is only fitting that it be something she knows he's had since they'd met. The letter she left him is crisply and neatly folded, in an envelope that is sealed with red wax the color of blood, of her blood. Inside the envelope are all the reasons she hates this feeling.

_becausebecausebecause_ she thinks, and as a last testament of her love for him, she carves his name across both her wrists. Deep enough that this life will soon be over, and she will not have to care, and it won't matter anyway because Vincent won't miss her, but that's not why she's killing herself. She needs it to end, and she needs it to end now, while she still has the strength left.

As she fades, she can smell him, the scent of his cloak and hair and skin, it is like juniper, but witha hint of must to it, and the last thing she feels is his cold, steel strong arms around her.

Because she dies in his arms, and because he is the last good thing that she feels, but it isn't enough, and that is truly why she has to die, because with Vincent, it's never enough, but he has nothing else, nothing more, to give her, and that she cannot take.

You lie silent there before me  
your tears they mean nothing to me  
the wind howling at the window  
the love you never gave  
I give to you

Really don't deserve it  
but now there's nothing you can do  
so sleep in your only memory of me  
my dearest

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes

good-bye  
it was always you that I despised  
I don't feel enough for you to cry

oh well  
here's a lullaby to close your eyes

So insignificant  
sleeping dormant deep inside of me  
are you hiding away lost  
under the sewers  
maybe flying high in the clouds  
perhaps you're happy without me  
so many seeds have been sown in the field  
and who could sprout up so blessedly

If I had died  
I would have never felt sad at all  
you will not hear me say I'm sorry  
where is the light  
wonder if it's weeping somewhere

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes

good-bye  
it was always you that I despised  
I don't feel enough for you to cry

oh well  
here's a lullaby to close your eyes

good-bye**  
**

**Song used is Room Of Angels from Silent Hill 4 (the SH games are effing incredible, I highly suggest them). Look up the song on youtube, it's absolutely perfect for this fic. The parts of the song work so well with Tifa and Vincent, I'll leave it up to you to decide which part is for which character. **


End file.
